Bobby Baldacchino

There’s a war inside me
no flags
no sides
just
me
against
you
yes you – my twin

Heart on one end
mind on the other
pulling
tearing
never resting

I wake up tired
like I’ve been running in my sleep
running away from you
thoughts come too fast
feelings too loud
I can’t tell which one’s lying
or if they both are
which one are you?
who’s side are you on?

Some days I try
to think my way out
feel my way through
but it’s like walking a tightrope
with no balance
and the ground is always too far down
and you are shaking the thread i walk on

I’ve learned how to hide it well
smile just enough
stay quiet when the storm gets loud
nobody sees the way I clench my fists
under the table
how my jaw aches from biting back
everything I want to scream

But deep down,
I know why I fight you

I want to stay whole
I want to feel peace
without doubting it
To let my thoughts slow down
to let my heart be soft
without being crushed

There’s something fierce in me,
even when I feel like nothing
something that won’t let go—
a light
flickering maybe
but real

Sometimes it feels ancient
like it’s not even mine—
even when the path disappeared
or is it you?

I still get scared
still fuck things up
still wake up wishing the weight was gone
but I also WAKE up.

“I’m still here” – you whisper
Still choosing not to disappear

While i am still learning
that strength doesn’t mean silence
and softness
doesn’t mean weakness

I carry the battle, yes—
but I also carry the will
to keep going

And in the quiet moments
when the noise fades
just enough to listen – you whisper

“I’m proud of you.
We’re not done.
But we have made it this far.
And that matters.”