There’s a war inside me-
no flags,
no sides,
just
me
against
you.
Yes, you – my twin.
Heart on one end,
mind on the other,
pulling,
tearing,
never resting.
I wake up tired,
like I’ve been running in my sleep,
running away from you.
Thoughts come too fast,
feelings too loud.
I can’t tell which one’s lying,
or if they both are.
Which one are you?
Who’s side are you on?
Some days I try
to think my way out,
feel my way through-
but it’s like walking a tightrope
with no balance,
and the ground is always too far down,
and you are shaking the thread i walk on.
I’ve learned how to hide it well-
smile just enough,
stay quiet when the storm gets loud.
Nobody sees the way I clench my fists
under the table,
how my jaw aches from biting back
everything I want to scream.
But deep down,
I know why I fight you.
I want to stay whole.
I want to feel peace.
without doubting it-
to let my thoughts slow down,
to let my heart be soft
without being crushed
There’s something fierce in me,
even when I feel like nothing-
something that won’t let go:
a light,
flickering maybe,
but real.
Sometimes it feels ancient,
like it’s not even mine-
even when the path disappeared.
Or is it you?
I still get scared,
still fuck things up,
still wake up wishing the weight was gone-
but I also WAKE up.
“I’m still here” you whisper,
still choosing not to disappear.
While i am still learning
that strength doesn’t mean silence,
and softness
doesn’t mean weakness.
I carry the battle, yes-
but I also carry the will
to keep going.
And in the quiet moments,
when the noise fades
just enough to listen – you whisper.
“I’m proud of you.
We’re not done.
But we have made it this far.
And that matters.”
